10 to 25

As I grow older I feel time gets shorter. And for some reason, circumstances are less forgiving. No matter how hard you try to fix things, some element of chaos wiggles its way out of the orderly bundle and wreaks havoc elsewhere. And you have to wrestle all over again to make things right.

I've noticed it's become more difficult for someone like me to keep switching my brain from one path to another, trying to attain multiple goals that always seem just out of reach. And I feel the fatigue. With ten days to go 'til Christmas, the feeling of overwhelming frustration and exhaustion is more acute than the traditional holiday cheer.

And I've been sighing more deeply, and more often, than usual.

Maybe I'm sitting on the crest of a big wave of change, and I'm trying to ride it out. I hope that's what it is. I hope I'm not unwittingly caught underneath the wave, trying to stay afloat. Still, either way, it's pretty taxing. I find myself wishing I was lost on an island somewhere where not even the germ of a troublesome thought can reach me.

That would be heaven.

*sigh*

But I still count my blessings. Many everyday things are still worth being celebrated: the ability to walk, to see, to use my hands, to speak, to wake up in the morning. Because things are so chaotic I find comfort in these thoughts. Even while doing the dishes or being stuck in traffic. Or in the middle of several deep sighs.

At least I'm still alive. And I can do something about the mess. :-)