i know i'll be ok

for some reason, i feel like it's been a very. long. month.

i don't know if the fatigue is coming from work, from planning the wedding, from trying to deal with the stress dumping at home and how i feel like i'm always the one left to resolve it.
but it feels like September does not want to end. eventhough tomorrow is the last day of the month.

my chinese horoscope said this quarter of the year will be particularly shitty for me. i don't know if i believed the crap in the first place and willed a self-fulfilling prophecy. or if the lords of antiquity really were able to calculate that a 30-year old working in IT in the 21st century was going to have a shitty third quarter in the year two thousand and five.

*sigh*

i'm so tired. i've been sighing deeply for the last thirty minutes, been staring at the computer monitor for the last four hours, been obsessing about the stresses in my brain for the last 28 days.

sometimes life's like that i guess.

i'm still thankful for the little things: that i can still see, walk, talk, hold my coffee cup, feel a reassuring embrace, smile, speak, write.

when you take a few minutes to remember these things, a whiff of cloud lifts, however tiny.

and that's yet another thing to be thankful for. internal cloudbusting, if you will. hehe

:D

Show don't Tell

Those are the by-words of every self-respecting broadcast segment producer. That's what Cheche always told us. "Why deliver a message with a thousand words when you can do it with one picture?"

Well, Ninang Cheche, that's because I have NO TIME to take pictures. Because my time is spent trying to make a living. And it is killing me! Add to that the fact that my plans to buy my own digital SLR have been put on hold. I know I should post more photos on my blog. I wish I had more time to take photos of my preps like Glo does and post them here. I haven't even posted photos of my apartment! Naunahan pa ako ni Grace na nasa Bermuda.

Sigh.

Oh well. With that admission I guess comes resolution. Okay, I'll start, one at a time. Little by little until it becomes as habitual as brushing my teeth. I really should make time for my photography. I can't believe I let Manila, my Manila pass me by. I suck.

I wish I took a picture of the wet Manila streets and the hazy horizons the way they were today. It was absolute bed weather, and it was such a struggle, trying to fight the urge to stay home and skip class. It was an exhausting fight, but I'm glad I persevered. It was good to be out on my own for a few hours. But I always miss Bubba when he's not a few meters away. And he says he feels the same way too. I wonder if all engaged couples feel this way. I hope they do. It's a lovely thing. :)

Oh! Update: we were able to get the handmade paper and raffia needed for the invites! How exciting. :) I can't wait to start assembling the stuff! Also, Nikko, my other MOH, had her fitting today. She says everything's ok, and that she desperately wants to lose more weight to look good in the dress. Hahahah. How sweet. She looks great as she is really.

What else? All I have to do now is follow up the Pina for Benc and look for a good tailor. But that's rather easy. Benc's not that picky naman. I'm the one who's picky :D

But in all, looks like everything's pretty much in place. Just a few tweaks left (re: the cake and the caterer and the mobile.) Sigh. Nearly there. Five months to go!

Francis Ford Coppola wants to direct my Life story!

...or at least that's what it says in this test, hehe!
Astig!

Francis Ford Coppola Your film will be 61% romantic, 34% comedy, 25% complex plot, and a $ 40 million budget.

Filmography: The Conversation, The Godfather (and Pt. 2 and Pt. 3), Apocolypse Now, Peggy Sue Got Married, Jack, etc. He notoriously went WAY overbudget with Apocolypse Now which sort of maimed his career since. He's been doing a lot of small films lately which may give your life story an inside track. A high-budget simple romantic drama is best in the hands of this modern master filmmaker.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 84% on action-romance You scored higher than 56% on humor You scored higher than 5% on complexity You scored higher than 71% on budget

Link: The Director Who Films Your Life Test written by bingomosquito on Ok Cupid

Sad news on a gray and rainy day

How do you squeeze what little light and warmth is left from a day that dawned cold and gray?

Jay's dad passed on. I couldn't help but feel a little colder. And I felt lonelier for him. I can't even begin to imagine how it is to lose a parent. In his case, he has lost both.

How do you restart? Reboot? Revive yourself? I don't even want to think about it. It takes a different kind of spirit to live through something like this. But I was convinced long ago that Jay was a rare kind of spirit.

I want to help. And right now I think all I can do to help is be there. And I want to be there. If only to reach out and share his pain and revive his spirit.

If I could write like this

I would quit my job!

habang ikaw ay natutulog
ako naman ay nagising
at naupo sa may bintana
at nakisama sa'yong paghimbing
sarap mong lambingin
lalo na't madilim-dilim
habang ikaw ay natutulog

inaantok pa ang umaga
ayaw bumangon tinatamad
ikaw naman ay nananaginip
sa mga ulap ay lumilipadlipad
saang langit napadpad
nais kong sumabay
habang ika'y natutulog

kaibigan, kasama,
kahati't kabiyak
sa luha't halakhak
kapiling, kasiping,
umaga na, mahal,
sa silid ng pag-ibig ko
tahanan, silungan,
supling at kapatid
kaakbay at kaakay
karamay sa buhay
umaga na, mahal,
sa silid ng pag-ibig ko

joey ayala

one of the greatest songwriters of all time! Wouldn't be a gas if he could sing this at my wedding? hahahaha!

(special thanks to ging & her blog from where i pinched the lyrics :))

MY mueslibowl, MY prerogative, my MILESTONES!

this is my muesli bowl and i get to dictate what goes in it. and right now, i dictate that only the good stuff goes in here.

the stress and negativity of the past two weeks will find no place here. in an attempt to slowly get over the energy-zapping, brain melting events that transpired, i will only mention them here in passing and store them away; to be retrieved only as a lesson learned for future reference: some good things are so easily forgotten.

After this sentence is punctuated, that thread of thought will end and so will its documentation.

===================

Ah! so many milestones in the past few weeks! I forget to put my favorite heading in the title. It feels good to know I can finally close the book on most tasks that need booking--just a few small ones left!

1. Make up - we finally decided on Angie Cruz! One of my best friends also referred another HMUA, and she was good, but I was still making ANgie my point of comparison. So that should say something right? Plus I got a lot of compliments for her make-up. She agreed to do another trial to try out my suggestions sometime next month.

2. Flowers - couldn't let go of the Yu sisters. :) They're doing my ento lang because their church cost was way out of budget. They had the right idea for my flowers, plus they agreed to throw in some tulips for the bridal bouquet at no extra cost!

3. Quartet - finally heard the Manila String Quartet play and we were glad we got them. They're a bunch of prodigius musicians from the UP College of Music, classmates of my musician-sister. Exquisite music for church and reception, great price! hehe

4. Barongs - my tita who lives in Iloilo and travels frequently to Aklan and Antique is sourcing good tela for us. We were able to get one for Benc's dad already. The hunt for Benc's is quite tough though, but I'm glad someone's helping us out there.

5. Favors - Marikit and Jan Imperio agreed to pot the rosemary for us for a minimal fee (mental note: email Marikit) and we'll have to do is decorate the pots. Yipeee!

And the best milestone of all: First real fitting of my gown yesterday!

ooOOOOooohhh...it was beautiful! Except for a few adjustments, especially in the critical boob and butt areas (ugh. a family curse, i swear), the gown was gorgeous! i was sooooo happy with the outcome. My Maid-of-honor sister on the other hand, needed no adjustments at all! Galeng talaga ni Lya. My mom liked her dress too...very elegant. I'm so happy I followed my heart. I think, when you do, everything else falls into place.

I can't wait to get married, if only to wear the dress! hahaha. What a winner!

==============

In other news: I'm taking certificate classes at the Angelo King Center for the next 6 Saturdays. I like taking these professional and continuing education classes. They're so interesting, and practical! So like you Rhona, I am revelling in the uploading of new information. Feels good. I always liked learning. Learning anything. Gives you a sense of empowerment, and that you're doing something worthwhile with your time.

I have to take care of my LOA pala at CMC. Another mental note.

Will get to your tag soon Rhona. :)

=============

Congratulations rin to my sis-in-Lya, Pia Unson-Rivera. They got married yesterday, and I was glad to be a part of the hundreds who prayed for fair weather. Lya said Pia looked stunning. I'm sure she was. Pia was in good hands from the beginning.

Mik is next. Good luck sis! May you be blessed with sunny weather on your wedding day and every day for the rest of your life together. :)

============

Brain in Butt

That's how it feels, hehe. My mind and body are totally devoid of luster and sharpness and wit and stamina.

It's all gone. I feel like an overcooked noodle. Truly.

So to reward myself, and my team, we decided to do a little bonding the traditional way...in the environment we shine in, among the creative spirits of Manila, with the blessings of our good looking ancestors.

We are going shopping at 168.

HOOOOOWEEEEEEEEH!

Aren't you dying to know where or what the hell that is? *wink wink*