My First Quarter Storm

this first quarter of 2009 has largely been a period of transitioning, packing away, and closing shop. so many accumulated moments over the course of seven years have to be stowed away in less than two weeks. what a challenge!

i know i'm a neat freak, and i like fixing and organizing things, but, doing all of this alone is not exactly a therapeutic activity. the task is bittersweet. trying to fit one life into a maximum of ten boxes is hard enough, let alone two.

yes, we're moving out of our little home. all our books have been packed, and little by little the decor are going into boxes. the kitchen is nearly empty, save for the utensils and cooking implements i still use. and my coffee mug. all that's left to pack are work files and personal documents, and then our clothes. on the one hand, saying goodbye to our first home means we're moving on to possibly bigger, and better things. but still, it;s saying goodbye. and i'm not good with goodbyes.

simultaneously, i've had to push myself to bring my academic pursuits to a close. long days and interminable nights poring over documents, researches, interviews, information tidbits and issues was a challenge. but the task of synthesizing everything into a study worthy of publication was a totally consuming endeavor, one i thought would never end. but it has. there were moments when i wondered why i took this on in the first place. but i know secretly i liked having something to occupy my time for the past 5 years. but that's coming to a close too; it's a life i am graduating from in a couple of weeks.

thanks to my studies, though, i am saying goodbye to a life of wandering and wondering. i can't say i've discovered my true calling but i think i now have an idea of what it could be. i'll keep everyone in suspense for the moment, until i'm really sure and can make an announcement. so this goodbye is good i suppose. i hope.

it's a little surreal that all this can happen at the same time. having to face it all has made me weak sometimes, but i know i'll look back and pat myself on the back for having survived it. and i'm looking forward to that day. actually i'm looking forward to the hugs and hellos that are coming my way soon.

i'm not sure if it was eckhart tolle who said that, you experience closings and endings in life so that you can make way for the happiness that wants to set up shop. so you're actually making space for the good things.

i suppose all the goodbyes are happening now so that there'll be space for all the good things about to happen. the hugs and hellos will be so much sweeter, and i'm not just talking about the ones i'll be getting from the hubby, but the ones i know will be coming from the universe.