You know how it is when you're so angry and so disappointed and so humiliated, you just keep arguing in your head and the argument just keeps spinning and spinning and it doesn't seem to want to stop and you get angrier and angrier and sadder and sadder and you cry and then you take a deep breath then think that it's all over but you remember something in your past that reminds you how you feel at this very moment then it confirms what you knew all along and you feel more humiliated then angry and you just want to break the windows at Cafe Med and throw your fish lunch at the waiter and bawl and shout and break everything until all the pain goes away.
The pain just gets worse and the future seems stuck where you can just see it in the distance and all your plans seem to evaporate with the heat as the tears well in your eyes and finally fall. And then you realize there is nothing you can do.
What else do I owe them? What else do I have to do to be able to live my life and not owe anybody anything? When will I own myself?
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