He left this morning on a jet plane. Tonight, I'm all by myself.
:-) Indulge me. I've been missing him since the beginning of the week, when he had to attend to so much last-minute business, I had to fight for some quality time during the last hours of all our evenings. It didn't help that I worked so far away now. The traffic nearly drove me mad! All I wanted was to get home.
He'll only be away for 9 days, I keep telling myself. And he kept telling me that too. I tried to put things in perspective but really, can you? Knowing he'll be thousands of miles across the Pacific, in a different timezone (almost half a day's difference) and I'll be waking up in the wee hours to travel to work all alone? Half of it is self pity, the other half is just me trying to fight the loneliness.
Since we got married, this is the first time he's travelling to a new place without me. He said so himself when he came online at his HK stopover and he snagged some free wifi at the airport. That just made me tear. We both love to travel together. It's one of our ultimate highs. I'm always sad when I'm in a new place and he's not with me. He feels the same.
This is the first time I'm really feeling lonely. I was supposed to go home to my mom's tonight but decided against it. I just wanted to be by myself and allow myself to cry if need be. I cried at the airport. But stopped myself when I had to leave the airport by myself and accomplish my tasks for the day. Mercifully, I found my way home. I tried not to feel alone, pushing my emotions aside so I could get through the day's work. Now I think I'll let go and just feel.
This absence comes at a time when I depend on him so much for strength and confidence and love. Oh I know I can still get it. But it feels so much more whole when it's given with a smile, an embrace and a kiss at the end of a long and tiring day.
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