Headlong and Head on

That's what Dale Carnegie seems to prescribe:

Are you bored with life? Then throw yourself into some work you believe in with all your heart, live for it, die for it, and you will find happiness that you had thought could never be yours.
Dale Carnegie


And this got me thinking: is there still work out there that I can believe in? Do I believe in the things I am doing now? What DO I believe in?

It's not that I'm bored. I think I'm just suffering from inertia. I think I've shunned the advice I've been giving my siblings, my friends, my students: do something you love and you'll never feel like you're working. The past several years have been hectic, to say the least. Tonight I realized, it was definitely work.

I could feel the ache in my muscles, whether they were really sore or they were all in my mind, as I got up and clocked into the office. I felt the resentment as each client seemed to imply I didn't know what I was doing, or I wasn't doing enough. I would feel my spirit sighing out of my pores at the end of the day from the mental and emotional exhaustion.

Not that I hated EVERYTHING I did. In the course of working in different capacities, I managed to learn quite a lot, and then apply what I learned in new projects or tasks. I learned how to write technically, how to project manage, how to handle crisis communications, how to motivate and trust in a team. I learned new things about industries I never thought I would come in contact with, and there were many take-aways. But in the end, I knew deep inside, it was work.

I'm a good worker, and I do my best to excel in any task given to me. I believe in my skills. But ultimately you also have to believe in what you do. Those moments for me have been few and far between. I believed in the people, if that counts for something. I believe they could do good and contribute. But, I was thinking, what about me?

Hence the reason for this post. It is my way of laying things out there: what do I believe in? What am I willing to throw myself into? What am I willing to fight for? Sounds melodramatic and a little over the top, but I figured if you can't devote yourself to something completely, why bother?

So here's what I believe in: I believe in sharing what you know. I believe in education. I believe teachers are vital in giving this country a fighting chance by guiding their students to excellence.

I believe in empowerment. When people are empowered there are no limits to what they can achieve. So you give them tools for empowerment. You train them, you teach them. And you give them a voice.

I believe in creativity. I believe in using your tools for empowerment to create your message, to tell your story. Everyone has a story. Stories need to be told, and there are some stories that the world should act on. I believe everyone deserves a chance to be heard.

I believe in seeing the world and meeting people and helping them tell their stories.

I believe in making a difference, a little at a time, one small step after another.

Is this something I can potentially earn from? I don't know. But who said that: do something that inspires you and the money will follow? Do I believe this is true? Could be true. I know a few people who've done it. I say "a few" because only a few people ever really had the balls to go after what they love. The question now is, do I have the balls?

I could grow them perhaps, but that takes time. Am I afraid? Hell, yeah. But I also believe in the saying, if your dream doesn't scare you then it's not big enough. Throwing yourself into something headlong and head on is one damn scary thing to do because there's always the risk of failure and losing everything. But, won't you lose it just the same without trying?

I think this conversation with myself has gone on long enough. It's not right to involve the rest of the online world in this psychotic rambling. But it's a good spiritual exercise, and realigning activity. Somehow the tension in my jaw has lessened and tightness in my shoulder has relaxed.

Maybe I'm on to something. This could be a whiff of things to come. I'm glad I took the time to write this all down. I think my heart is telling me to be alert, because the call to jump can come at any moment.