Seizing the Moment

I had a moment with Lola today. She was talking about how I resembled her in her younger days: the height and the built. Then she said, well, I think she was trying to say, even the way I smiled. She smiled herself and she was trying to point out how we both has the same features and the same smile.

Then she pulled me close and said – or I think she was trying to say – just keep smiling. Always smile. In spite of what’s going on around you, you should just keep smiling. Smiling will make you happy.

Then she said, -- or I think she was trying to say – your eyes, your eyes will show your happiness and beauty. At night you should just smile, put cream and you will be beautiful. And don’t let anybody tell you you aren’t.

It was a moment. Then it was gone, but I’m glad I was there to receive that blessing. I have not spent time with Lola for the past decade and I am only beginning to catch up now, when I have the chance. Those chances don’t even come very often. But it’s better than nothing. And it feels good to know I am doing something about it.

That chance came today. Today of all days, as we bid Tita Tosca a final goodbye with a mass and what she called a “funeral” party. It rained before the mass, drizzled after. There was a gentle shower as her family laid her to rest in her mortuary then the rain began again at the party. It was really loud—so many people were there: relatives and all the friends she made through her ministry. What was nice was most of my cousins were there. Giselle was there and it was so good to see her. It was nice to talk to her, but I wish I could spend more time with her. Sofia wasn’t with her and I really wanted to see her. Too bad. Hopefully there’ll be another chance for that. I also saw two of my cousins for the first time in like, 15 years: Alec and Lyka! And I saw Charisse again after a super long time, which was good.

Funny how we all get to see each other lang during occasions like these. But I’ll take it if that’s how we should all start coming together again. It was good to see Papa, Tito Noel and Tito Alan talking again, together. Too bad Tita Meg and Tita Caress couldn’t come home.

I was thinking, Tita Tosca was sending us a sign. She was the symbol of reconciliation. She was able, in my opinion to patch up all the old hurts. She paved the way for the siblings to talk again. So many missed years and opportunities and occasions will have changed the person you thought you were, and you really can’t help but touch base with the people who will know the core of your being throughout all these changes. It’s important to reconcile with yourself and the people around you, the events you made happen, and the choices that brought you where you are today.

She forged the path towards which all our individual paths would cross again. And it was a good thing, a very good thing. Now that we cousins are all older, all wiser, all with their own lives and opinions and beliefs, we can jump start our relationships with each other anew. We’re free and independent of what the previous generation’s damages have caused. We’re allowed to come together on our own and make things right.

She helped me see how important it was not to give up even when all hope seemed lost. That in spite of the looming darkness, there will be infinitely more good things that will come out of it. There is still something to look forward to, and that as long as you don’t give up, there always will be.

She was a fighter, that’s for sure. She gave it her all til the last and I admire her for it. I may not have been as close to her but the few things she taught me in the last few weeks are enough for me to always remember her wisdom and her love.

I’m sure she loved all of us, even though we never really had much of a chance to show it. I guess it’s time to pass it on among us, that same love she wished to see among her siblings. I guess that’s what she would want.

I know she did not lose us in death, nor did we lose her. She will continue to live in all of us, and all around us, because of all that she allowed to happen. What a miracle she is, and miracles like these can only happen with love.