Braindead Me

It's been a taxing week. Emotions are in constant flux, good and bad events follow on each other's heels and come at you in violent whoooshes. Remaining still and steady in the face of it all is double the effort of having to go through these tempests.

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I'm looking forward to the weekend. We're attending our DW seminar tomorrow til Sunday so we're taking a half-day off from work. Funny how in the race to attend something relaxing we harass ourselves to the point of catatonia just so we can get away. Life is a paradox, haha. So here we are trying to meet our tighter-than-usual deadlines, eating lunch at our desks and trying to focus on a gazillion tasks at hand. It's amazing, the way I have learned to push my body and my brain. And now they're both about to drop from this chair.

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We're learning how to administer my mom's insulin shots. We naturally queasy and blood-fearing Tolentinos are slowly coming to terms with this illness (which, incidentally, we all are a 100% prone to get!) and the new requirements it has posed in our daily wakings. We have to stick Mama everyday with 16 units in the morning and 8 units in the evening to bring her blood sugar back to normal (she's got a count of 200+ in her blood, when the normal is 100 something I think.) So we do a round robin among the five of us, taking turns measuring the liquid and poking the thin and nearly-painless needle in her tummy. I don't know if it's me, but I think she's getting better. :) I hope so.

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Be here. Two words that mean the universe to a broken person't spirit. It's all about gathering your displaced self and keeping it firmly focused in the now, where there is no pain or problem, and everything is possible. Be here and be one with the universe and the essence of everything. Find beauty in that oneness, joy in your wholeness, peace in the centerdness.

What we see is not as essential as what is underneath, or rather around us. The Little Prince probably was, among other things, a Zen roshi. What is important is inside us, and it permeates through all the things around us, living and inanimate. It is what links us to the universe and the ants, our friends and our enemies, our joys and our suffering. We are the universe. All we have to do to feel it is be still and be here.

Bubba says it is difficult to explain because humans love to use words and words are what muddle the essence of the truth. I know I understand what he's saying. It's somewhere up here in the intellectual plane, where, according to him, it is the hardest to reach. One has to feel it then let it go to understand it. After I write this down I will let go of it.

I'm seriously considering Zen. I understand now how displaced I have become and how disjointed my spirit was. This long. Oh well, I guess some of us need to learn it the hard way. And I have learned. Now I'm ready to accept me again.

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Wedding Updates:

Since Lya, none yet. Been trying to contact Petal Patch but they're too busy to attend to me. If I can't meet them next week, I may have to try others. *sigh* Still scouting for a MUA too. Any good suggestions, anyone?

This isn't a wedding update but it might as well be since one of us on the bridal support group is leaving for greener pastures. Bermuda, here she comes. :) Have a good and safe trip, Grace. We will miss you...but only for a few days. :) We know you'll be back online in no time. Keep in touch because we'll always be here to help you through your transition. We're all a YM away. :D

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The world can be a happy place in the middle of all this confusion. It' s good to know.