Funny how i have gotten rather angsty and emotional these past three birthdays.
In fact tonight I was feeling rather unimportant. I was actually anxious because I had decided not to do anything she-bang-y today. And I was wondering, could this be a reflection of how i see myself and how i project myself unto others: that i'm not important, and I don't have to be celebrated? I was suddenly worried. I shed some tears over it in fact, and Bubba just kept telling me not to feel too bad, and to look at sad things as the foreshadowing of something happier. I tried to keep that thought in mind. I guess I was feeling a bit down because life has suddenly become more hectic than usual. So many things happening, so many actvities taking place, that I felt I was getting lost within them. Officemates prepared a little token for me which brightened up an otherwise hot, sticky and disappointing afternoon. And I thought that was all there was, and it was off to attend to something else, someone else, with no thought to the fact that it was a momentous day for me.
But once in Megamall, Bubba presented me with flowers, and truthfully, this pretty much made my day. I didn't mind so much anymore. I think I felt that, all I needed was something, a token from Bubba that he remembered, and went through some trouble to make me feel special. Truthfully, all I wanted was to be special to him. :)
Then off we went to visit his friends who were paying tribute to a fallen comrade. It was rather emotional but was a celebration of his life, and the people he touched. THat was special. We left the place at around 11.30, had some coffee and headed home. We entered the dark house, and I thought, everyone's asleep already. I was expecting them
to stay awake at least to even just greet me at the stroke of 12. As I switched off a forgotten electric fan in the sala, lights suddenly came on and screams of "Surprise!!!" reverberated through the house! ANd there they were, my family, jumping and laughing and smiling, possibly at the startled expression on my face. Posters and signs of happy birthday, garlands of brigtly colored crepe decked the dining room. My sisters wore headresses made of these. On the table was a spread of finger foods, chocolate cake and punch. The cake had three large candles which I blew out, wishing, as I did, that things would only get better and brighter.
I suddenly felt silly about my angst. I will make an effort to not be like this anymore. It's quite depressing for me, and for others really. I am loved. I am valued. I am remembered. I just have to keep that in mind, birthday or no. It should not be too hard, Data. You just have to stop and take a look around.Happy Birthday to me! It's going to be a great new year!
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