First Rain of May

It always happens on the week of my birthday. Then it really pours on the 14th. If I recall correctly, there were only two birthdays where it didn't rain. One was my 18th birthday. The other happened somewhere in my childhood.

People say it's lucky when rain falls on your birthday. "Daming blessings niyan," they'd say.

Luck = blessings?

I guess people have different definitions and perceptions for the word "luck". When I was younger, luck to me would mean, winning a bag of money you can't spend in your lifetime. Or winning a new house, or a new car, or a great big birthday party.

Those definitions change over the years. You realize you're lucky in that you don't have any serious illness. You have a good job. You're family's in tact. You've kept your sanity and sense of humor.

There is also luck in the realization that you are not the whole world, that there's always something bigger than you out there. I think you're lucky when you realize that because you're reminded of your humanity, and what it means to change and eventually, grow up.

You're lucky if you realize that you always have another chance. Not many people acknowledge this. There's always tomorrow to make something better, to make someone else happier, to make yourself more.

I guess I'm lucky in those ways. I know sometimes I lose sight of these things, but as luck would have it, here I am reflecting. 30 years. Gad. I never thought I'd get this far. This point in the horizon would always vanish for me. I guess it was because back then, when I looked this way it would be too far, and I'd be too busy living in the moment to try to look for it. Those were the days. I was lucky to have lived them, and lucky to be looking back.

I want to make some new year's resolutions for myself. I think, yeah, it's important to give one's self this time every year. I think that will be my first resolution: to give myself time.

ME Time. *sigh* It's been some time since those words appeared again.

The first rain of May is over now. There's just a chilly but gentle wind blowing through the window. Once in a while thunder rumbles in the distance. A new day will start any moment now, and each hour brings me closer to another rainy birthday. Well, let it pour then. I feel I'm lucky to have another one, and lucky that on my 30th year, I will bind myself to my biggest blessing of all.