A gentle rain is falling on the last day of the year

It's been a cool and quiet day, all day. A perfect time to reflect and look back on a rather eventful year. 2008 uncannily began and ends with the getting-to-Adelaide odyssey.

We were all set to leave in January this year. We closed all our dealings, informed all our associates, adjusted our mindset. We even told our landlord we wouldn't renew! Benc was set to leave on the first week of the year, but halfway into that week, we were told that we should "suspend" packing til further notice." We found out there were issues with his xrays, and was asked to take a TB test...something they could have advised us of middle of the year, since scholars were required to submit all papers then. Sigh. It was such a downer. So we had to undo everything we did, renew our lease and look for new ways to earn income and tide us over.

Good thing my Intel engagement, which started in Sept 07, was still ongoing. In fact they renewed my contract, and it was almost a sure thing that I would get hired! Working there was one of the best things that I ever did, despite getting up before the crack-of-dawn and travelling 6 hours back and forth from Cavite to Pasig. I felt appreciated and respected, and most of all I felt like I grew as a professional, as well as a person. It didn't hurt either that I was paid well, and could manage to save up a sizeable amount. Unfortunately, the company had to downsize operations and I could not be accommodated by the system. So with a heavy heart and lots of tears, I bid Intel goodbye in September. I could say working in that organization defined for me the kind of work environment, philosophy, and ethic I wanted. The lessons I learned there are ones I will take with me always.

Sometime in the middle of my Intel engagement, a former Probe colleague of Benc's contacted me and asked me if I could take on being Executive Producer of one of their shows. I was reluctant at first because I wasn't sure if I could live up to expectations, but I gave it a try. And whaddaya know: it had to be Project Runway Philippines! How could one say no to a project like that?

But then I should have seen the signs: the production party had factions against the producers, and the producers in turn were not an integrated unit. Systems and responsibilities, were unclear and most of all, both units were at odds with one another. As the EP I was expected to bridge the gap...but how was I to do that when no one as much as acknowledged my presence or my responsibilities?

At first it wasn't so bad: from the (non) script and episode clearing to the check-up shoots. But as the major finale events and shoots started to unfold, things deteriorated. Upper management would leave me and my team (of one PA and 3 interns) to fend for ourselves with no funds, no support and no communication of processes. It came to a point where we had to lift and transfer furniture around ourselves, order the food and stay way later than everyone else. It was a thankless job. It was the antithesis of everything I had just experienced at Intel. I felt as if I had been kicked out of heaven straight into the bubbling cauldrons of hell. I would cry myself to sleep at night from utter exhaustion and heart break, and from missing my friends in Cavite.

Fortunately there were some stellar personalities that made the days bearable: Leah and Kriska of the Marketing team were always willing to lend a hand; the cheerful interns who made the long days and nights cheerful; the indefatigable KC, the PA-who-should-be-Production-manager; and of course the awesome designers who created art from paper, thread and cloth. I fell in love with the top three: Aries, Veejay and Philipp. But I also could not help doting on the others, particularly Mara, Lord and Jaz. It was such a privilege to have met and worked with them, and though the management experience was an infernal situation, interacting with the designers was such a dream come true. The feather on all or caps: the final runway show at the Philippine Fashion Week. It was WILD! In more ways than you think--despite all the foul ups it was a rockin' show! And we at the frontlines made it so. Nuff said.

My contract ended in November, and I could hardly wait to submit all my closing documents, and claim my last check. I was itching to leave. And I did, without much ceremony. After what I went through I hope the next production teams will have a better experience with the show.

Again, something happened in the middle, and it involved Boracay. In October, the Divas finally got to take a trip to Bora (albeit without Alma). We stayed on the island for three days and bonded, shopped and sun-worshipped. I could say this was one of the highlights of the year. While we were there, I caught up with Denise, whom, having moved to Bora to work in early September, I had not seen in a month. I realized then how much I missed her, even though we only saw each other on weekends after I got married. So many times on that trip I felt motherly instincts, having taken care of her and my 2 other younger siblings as they were growing up. I'd invite her for dinner, worry about her pamasahe "home" or what she would eat for her next meal. But she was really an adult now, living away from the rest of the family. It baffles me how we can take so many little things for granted, when in fact it's these little things that make up the fabric of our persons and our relationships with others. All those weekends and casual YMs or blog entries kept me connected and now the inevitable quest for independence creeps in and changes things a little at a time.

It was a bitter sweet parting. I swear I could hear her voice crack over the phone as we said our goodbyes. She was working then and couldn't see us off. She reminded me of my childhood days long gone and our midnight sibling bonding sessions; and I'm sure I reminded her of home.

In November I re-enrolled in UP, this time to finish my thesis. I also got a class with one of my favorite professors. But more than that, I was offered a to teach two scriptwriting classes. This was a blessing to a once-employed communications consultant. So I took on the job, and so far so good. It's been hectic though and I think some of the stress got me sick early this month. So much so that I had to miss going up to Kiangan, Ifugao to join my half-brother's wedding. What a drag. I so wanted to see the far north and witness the unique wedding traditions. Papa, Andrei, Thea and Monique made it though and came back with great stories and photos. At least I could live vicariously through those, haha.

And so comes December, and with it Christmas meet ups, cousins' visits (Mika and Tim!) and presents. As I expected the holidays were frugal this year and a little subdued. For the first time in 34 years, we were incomplete on the most important day of the Tolentino calendar year. Coupled with that was the impending trip to Oz. It was an altered Christmas, and I will never forget it. It could be a sign of things to come, or a marker that tells us, things can only get better from now on.

And I hope they do. Right now I will be greeting 2009 with mixed emotions. There is much sadness and anxiety at facing the first quarter of 09 by myself; but there is also hope and excitement for Benc, who will be leaving for Oz in five days. I try not to cry and enjoy the moment instead but it is difficult. Earlier today I was able to console myself with the reminder that, this trip was on my list of things to do. It is actually a dream come true! And I felt a little better, if even a wee bit encouraged.

It's a new adventure, and we are so lucky to have been given this opportunity. Hopefully this opens doors for us, which in turn I hope will help us open doors for others. I hold on to this thought and try not to think about the void that will be left by Benc when he gets on that plane to Oz. It will be three months before I hug him again. We will spend our third year anniversary online, in addition to the daily events we're so used to talking about over simple dinners and coffee.

But it's all good. There is a reason for everything and I know I should just let them happen. Ultimately I will also realize my place in all this, and the purpose I have in moving things forward. Hopefully I do well, and do others well. It's going to be an interesting year, and it starts now!