It felt like I hadn't seen Bubba for days, when in fact it's only been a few hours. But it's not the same. It's only now that I realize how much of a difference those drives to and from work had made. They were like little sanctuaries for us, where we could review the day's events, talk freely about our thoughts and feelings, cuddle, steal a gentle glance.
But all that's changed. It's not going to happen as often anymore. Bubba moved into his new house yesterday and spent the night there already. I know it's also going to be home for me in less than a year's time, but, still. That one-hour drive home makes the stresses of the day melt away and hope for a better one tomorrow. There was always someone to bounce off ideas with, argue with, laugh with. Now there's me by myself on the train or taxi home. While I don't mind keeping myself company, it's just not as fun or sweet to kiss your reflection on the glass of the windows or nuzzle your own hand, or tell yourself you look beautiful today.
It's just...different. Like there's something missing. It's like walking around with just one shoe on. Or it's like having an uneven haircut, or mucus clogging up just one nostril. It's as if everything looks ok, but you know something is fundamentally amiss.
And I miss him terribly. I count my blessings. I mean, I am thankful he's not in another country or anything. That he's just a phone call away, that I can take a cab and visit him anytime I wanted to. I know that, but still, there's that precious hour taken away from me. It was mine exclusively, and we were each other's world in the middle of the metropolitan chaos.
*sigh* Nobody can have it all. At least I almost did. At least, I know, I'll get it all back--and more--very soon!
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