Deep Sigh

I'm a bit more okay tonight, albeit slightly wistful. I remembered the people in TS with a tinge of longing, but I didn't cry when I did. Let out a deep sigh. I was weeping silently though as Rej and I talked about leaving home this morning. She told me her story and I realized I was living through mine. I was telling it in real time, wiping my nose on my sleeve as I did. My whole being was crying out for me to be okay, for everything to be okay. But these things take time, I know. All in good time.

I am moved by the words of encouragement that have been blowing my way. W@wies, friends from across the oceans, officemates -- all of them putting in a vote of confidence for me. All of them telling me they believe in me and that they believe I can make good.

I told Rej, I am by nature a wallower. I have to feel sorry for myself and will let fate pamper me and make things all right for me. But I don't have that luxury now. I can't keep being a baby. I guess it was easy before because there was someone who would pick up after me, especially when I just wanted to bum. There were other people who would entertain me by just being there.

But I don't have that now. I have to rely on myself. And Myself has to be up and about. It's a bit difficult but deep inside I know I'll get to the really OK stage again, and all these messages have helped me tremendously! Thank you, all of you who dropped by to wish me well. I am deeply touched and grateful for your concern and your confidence in me. WIth all of you behind me, I know I'll be able to make it through this first week alone. Hopefully the sadness will only be for a week. And then I can start writing happy things again...well, maybe not always happy stuff...but Data stuff. :-D haha!

I should get some sleep. Had a strenous evening at the gym. Will have another active day at badminton tomorrow. Sweet dreams all!