Didn't get to sleep well at all last night. I was feeling bad because I felt my feelings were trivialized again. So I cried and I tried to sleep and kept waking up until I looked at my phone, saw it was close to six and decided to just toss and turn in bed.
I felt bad because his phone card ran out just before I was able to say my goodbyes and sweet nothings. Because it was important to me (and hoping it was something he felt was important too) I tried calling him nearly 13 times. I was thinking, maybe he was trying to get another phone card. Or maybe he fell asleep already because he traveled quite a distance. Or maybe his phone was acting up again. So I just texted him what I wanted to say, turned off the lights and got ready to sleep.
Then suddenly my phone rang. It was him. He said he was journaling outside his room because his room mates wanted to sleep, and he didn't want to forget any detail so that I could read about it in full later. I said ok and thanks and didn't cry anymore. When he heard the crying in my voice, he sounded like, "anubayan??!!" And he said, stop crying na, kaka-usap lang natin eh!
And that sort of made me feel bad. I mean, when the payphone died, he didn't even text to say goodnight to finish the conversation while I was trying desperately to get back in touch with him. I was crying for me lang naman because I miss him so much. I can understand why he may not feel it in the same intensity that I do. He's in his most favorite place in the world after all.
But I wish he wouldn't do that. It really doesn't help me at all. It just makes me feel more miserable. And makes me cry harder.
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